iAm So Confused
by dpp3530
Summary: Cam take on iTwins - a collaboration with Hayden Lucas
1. iTwins Redux

Freddie choked on his smoothie. "What?" Carly asked, concerned.

Freddie was ashen. "I've got a date with Sam," he croaked.

"Want to buy a pickle?" T-Bo interjected. At Freddie's glare, he retreated.

Despite Carly's insistence that Freddie had a date with Melanie Puckett, the young man was thoroughly convinced that he had a date with his own personal nightmare, Sam. Carly sighed. The boy was so clueless sometimes. He had been gullible enough to believe Clown Day, and now he was determined _not_ to believe Melanie was real, true or not. Carly hoped he'd get over it before his date. If he didn't, it was going to be a short, awkward date.

Melanie had said she thought Freddie was cute. Carly made a mental note to ask the blonde about that later. Carly, herself, was over Freddie. She'd thought she was in love with him after he saved her from that taco truck, but it was only hero worship.

Sam and Freddie, well, that was never going to happen. The image of Sam and Freddie kissing was too ridiculous to even contemplate. It would never happen in a million years. Melanie and Freddie, though, that actually had a chance. Mel was sweet and kind, not abrasive and rude like her younger twin. Carly knew Freddie liked good girls, why else would he have been in love with her for so long. Carly never got what boys saw in her. She was tall, skinny, and flat, with boring brown hair and eyes.

The Puckett twins, especially Sam, were something else: toned, blonde, and voluptuous, with those piercing blue eyes. Carly reflected on the fact that even when they were younger, she could always tell Sam and Melanie apart. Their mother had gone through a phase when they were around ten, where she dressed them alike every day. Carly thought Pam was trying to get Melanie's girly personality to rub off on Sam, to no avail. Even during that time, though, Carly could easily tell the twins apart by looking at their eyes. Even though they were exactly the same color and shape, Carly could see something extra in Sam's eyes that she never saw in Melanie's. To this day, Carly couldn't say what it was, but that was the first thing she'd checked when Melanie walked into her apartment the other day. That extra something that Carly saw in Sam just wasn't there.

Freddie was droning on about something related to the AV club, when Carly snapped out of her reverie. She glanced at her watch, and realized she had to go. Chuck would be showing up at her apartment in about fifteen minutes for his tutoring session. He was a nice boy, and Carly could tell he was smart. He just didn't want to apply himself in school. In that way, he reminded her of Sam. It was funny how her thoughts always led back to Sam. Carly excused herself and left.

Friday afternoon found Carly sitting on the couch tutoring Chuck Chambers. Chuck's big math test was Monday, and Carly wanted to prove to Chuck's father that she was a good tutor. She had her eye on a Cuttlefish concert DVD, and the extra cash from these tutoring sessions would go a long way towards it.

There was a knock on the door, and Freddie entered carrying two shirts. This couldn't be good. "Tutoring," she explained, trying to cut him off.

"This'll just take a second," he responded and she rolled her eyes. "Which one of these shirts would Sam hate more?"

Carly decided to play along, if just to get Freddie out of here faster. Besides, that was an easy one, "The stripes." Sam detested stripes on guys. She said it made them look nubby.

"Then I'm wearing the striped one on my date with Sam tonight," he replied.

She wanted Freddie to leave so she could get back to tutoring, but she had to set him straight. "You have a date with Melanie," she admonished.

Chuck interrupted, "Hey, when I get older, maybe I could have a date with you."

"Oh, Chuck…" Carly sighed. He was way too young for her, but he was such a nice boy.

Freddie laughed, "Don't waste your time, kid; I've been barking up that tree since sixth grade!"

At that moment, Freddie had a flash of enlightenment. He _had_ been barking up that tree for years now, and aside from the "Bolivian bacon" incident, Carly had never considered him anything other than a friend. Freddie could see that _none_ of the guys she dated were ever much more than that. It was obvious that Carly thought she loved them, for a time, but she always found some excuse to leave them.

Truth be told, the only person, outside of her family, that Carly ever said she loved, and really meant it was Sam. Maybe not in the romantic sense, but, there were little things that said maybe it was. Glances and touches that went beyond those of most friends. Jealousy that Freddie couldn't quite explain. Carly's jealousy over Jonah, even though she helped set them up. Sam's jealousy over Missy, even though she knew deep down that Carly would never shut her out.

Then there was that incredibly awkward kiss that Freddie had shared with Sam a few weeks ago. First kisses were supposed to be fireworks and orchestral music, but it wasn't, and it was obvious from Sam's demeanor that she'd rather be kissing someone else, too. Perhaps he had just figured out who.

Maybe, Freddie mused, they just hadn't admitted it to themselves. It was obvious from the message boards on their website that some of the _iCarly_ fans had figured it out.

With that realization, Freddie turned and walked out the door. As he closed the door, he could hear Spencer yelling something about chunky red goo. As interesting as that sounded, he had a lot to do to get ready for his date with Sam – sorry, "Melanie." And he had a lot to think about.

A few hours later, Freddie had taken "Melanie" to a local under 21 club, the Quisp Dance Club. He was still mulling over his sudden epiphany from earlier. Sam wasn't making this easy, either. She seemed determined to stay in character. _If she just put this much effort into her schoolwork, she'd be a straight A student, _he thought.

He was trying to get back to the blonde with two drinks, but this tall redhead was trying to slamdance with him. By the time Freddie ditched her, the drinks were spilled. _Well_, he thought, _maybe if Sam gets mad, she'll reveal herself_. He had to admit, he'd never seen Sam look so girly. If she wasn't Sam, he'd actually say she was hot. It was really a shame that there was no "Melanie." "Melanie" would have had potential.

"You get thirsty on the way here?" the blonde joked, in her "Melanie" voice. The only other time Freddie had heard Sam keep her voice that high for so long was when they filmed _Kelly Cooper: Terrible Movie_, and even then, she'd broken a few times.

He'd play along, but he wanted her to know he knew. "Sort of… So, _Melanie_, you look pretty hot tonight." If that didn't set Sam off, he didn't know what would.

"Thanks. I love your shirt," the perky blonde replied.

"No you don't! Carly said you hate stripes!" he replied. _And Heaven knows, Carly knows you better than anyone_.

"Sam hates stripes," she argued.

Freddie was tiring of this game. "How long are you going to keep this up?" He pushed her on the shoulder, trying to get a rise out of Sam. "Just admit you're Sam and we can leave."

"I would... Ow" she replied, rubbing her shoulder, "but I'm not Sam."

Freddie was astonished how well she could fake a hurt face. _Carly must be giving her lessons_, he thought. He was going to end this now, "Okay, if you're not Sam, then I guess you wouldn't mind if I held your hand." Considering their recent kiss, that was never going to fly.

"I don't mind at all," she replied, still way too perky for Sam. "I think you're really cute."

After what he'd realized earlier today, that was bordering on weird. Sam was a good actress, though, and she was really good at lying. "How can you say that without vomiting?" he screamed. She feigned confusion. Okay, he was going to win this one way or another. "Alright, if you're not Sam, I suppose you wouldn't mind dancing with me?"

"I'd love to," was the reply.

She was taking this way too far. He decided to remind her. "This is a slow dance, you know. We'll have to dance together, pressed against each other."

She dragged him to the dance floor. He tried to pull away, but with an odd smirk on her face, she pulled him closer. "I can't believe you're doing this! You hate me, you always have!"

"Maybe Sam hates you?" she replied.

"You _are_ Sam!" he spat back.

"Really?" that odd smirk was back. "Would Sam do this?" and she surprised him with a kiss.

Freddie was taken aback. The joke had gone too far. He couldn't do this to his best friend. "I can't do that to Carly," he protested.

"Oh," the blonde said, face falling. "You're in love with Carly?"

Freddie fumbled. "Yes… I mean no… I mean Carly's in love with you."

Now it was Melanie's turn to be shocked. Whether Freddie thought she was real or not, this was too good a tidbit to pass up. "Carly's in love with Sam?" she questioned.

"You _are_ Sam!"

"Freddie, really?" the boy was right, it was time to end this, but it would be on Melanie's terms. "Do you really think Sam would go this far? Have you _ever_ seen Sam dress like this? Would she get a new cell phone and forge a student ID just to prank you? Wouldn't it be easier just to send you another fake email and be done with it?"

Freddie was confused. "Melanie" was making sense. This was such a surreal day. He did what any socially awkward 14 year old boy would do. He ran away, with the blonde giving chase.


	2. iTalk to My Sister

**No one writes conversations between the Puckett sisters like Hayden Lucas... **

Melanie Puckett slammed the door to the apartment, her shoes heavy on the floorboards. She ran into the bedroom she shared with her sister, slamming the door behind her. Sam was on her cell phone. "Uh, gotta go, Carls… The Princess just got home from her _date_…."

The way Sam Puckett said the word 'date' made it sound so dirty. Melanie was whipped up, but she kept it inside as best she could. Regardless of everything else going on inside of her head, Melanie was a lady and loved her little sister. She knew she couldn't lose her temper.

Sam ended her phone call, wishing her best friend sweet dreams. She knew Carly had trouble sleeping, but never quite understood why.

Melanie interrupted. She didn't mean to sound rude, but she was simply at her wits' end. The Good Twin got straight to the point, talking a mile a minute. "Samantha, please… we really… we just need to talk, alright?"

Sam Puckett simply rolled her eyes.

"Sam, please… This is serious!"

Sam still didn't get it, "Holy chizz, Princess… What got you all whipped up?"

Melanie sat on the edge of her sister's bed, trying her best to control her emotions. Sam wasn't heartless. She loved her sister, but, over the years, Melanie had become a convenient scapegoat for the feelings she couldn't deal with. If it was too weird, awkward, or girly, it would always be Melanie's fault, though both twins knew that nothing was ever meant by it. Melanie shot her sister a hard look, as though she should know better.

"So…. How was your date with Fred Nub?"

"Samantha, please…"

Melanie kicked off her shoes. Sam interrupted her again, "Look, I'm bein' serious here, Kid… How'd it go? I mean, he doesn't do anything for me…"

"Apparently not…"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Melanie paused. "Samantha… why does that boy think I'm you?"

Sam smirked. "Because he's a nub? … but seriously, how'd it go?"

Melanie blushed.

"Holy Chizz, you kissed him didn't you?"

Melanie didn't know what to say, so she simply sat there, growing redder by the second. Sam was enjoying this.

"Samantha… you see… the thing is I really kinda like him..."

"So?"

"He didn't want to kiss me because he thought he was dating you. Said something about he couldn't do that to Carly…"

Sam went white as a sheet. Melanie touched her sister's hand. "Samantha… is there something that you want to say?"

The younger twin was shocked, "What are you gettin' at here, Princess?"

Melanie hugged her sister, "Sam, it's okay… you're my sister…"

"Uh, yeah… like I could get around that…"

Melanie shrugged. Her sister was absolutely impossible. She continued, "Sam, I know you're in love with Carly. Freddie more or less told me so. Admittedly, he thinks I'm you for some reason, but that's beside the point. You don't need to live in denial about it. If you love her…"

Sam was upset, "It's not like that… I mean, she's my Cupcake, but … it's not… forget it. Why would I be in love with Carls? She's a chick…"

Melanie smirked, "There's a name for people like that, Samantha… and it's not like there's anything wrong with that, if that's truly how you feel."

Sam let the matter drop. "Mel, seriously… did you have a nice time?" It was clear that the otherwise rough-around-the-edges blonde was being sincere.

"He seems like a really nice guy… plus he's just _adorable_…"

Sam looked like she wanted to heave. "Just wait… give him time… His inner nubbiness will start seeping through…"

Melanie shot Sam a hard look. Sam knew she'd stepped over the line from playful, witty banter to insults. She immediately clammed up.

_**A SHORT TIME LATER…**_

Melanie emerged from the adjoining bathroom, properly dressed for bed. Her flannel pajamas seemed the perfect complement to the private school uniform now hanging neatly in the closet across the room. Sam rolled her eyes in her sister's direction. She was content just as she was; boxers and a t-shirt, as always.

Except that it wasn't. If it were the same as always, Sam would be wrapping her arms around Carly Shay, drifting off to sleep herself as the Cupcake's chest rose and fell with her own. Sam missed Carly terribly.

This wasn't right. She pushed the thought from her mind, her attention returning to the nearly identical blonde who had just re-entered the room. She decided to say something. It wasn't until the words left her mouth that Sam realized that she should've simply kept her mouth shut, "You look good, Princess…"

Melanie shot her sister a cock-eyed look. This was the benefit of being identical. The Puckett Twins could, essentially, read one another's thought's from time to time. Sam knew immediately that it had been taken completely out of context. "Dude! You're my sister, and we're, like, identical and stuff…"

Melanie laughed, "You miss her, don't you, Sam?"

Sam knew immediately to whom her sister was referring, but she played it off, attempting to look and sound cool, "Come on, Mel… are you still going to go on with that? The Nub thinks you're me or I'm you or whatever, so then all of a sudden I'm in love with Carly because it satisfies his little Nerd Camp fantasy or something?"

Melanie changed the subject, albeit momentarily, "Where's Mom?"

"Who knows… out with that weird doctor guy, I think… why?"

"You're afraid Mom will find out, aren't you?"

Sam felt uncomfortable, but let her sister keep talking anyway. After all these years, she knew nothing had changed. If it was someone else, Sam would have slapped them around, broken their wrist, and taken their lunch money, but this was her sister – her _twin_ sister.

Sam had no idea what to say. She didn't need to say anything. Melanie took care of everything. She had just settled into her own bed, patting the empty space next to her on the mattress. "Come on, Samantha… just like when we were little… it's okay…"

Sam didn't give it a second thought. She slipped out of her own bed, crossed the room, and slipped under the covers with her sister. "Mel, if I… you know… something I tell you… _here_… that's just between us, right?"

Melanie Puckett smiled, putting on an air of mock surprise, "Why, Samantha Puckett, whatever do you mean?"

Sam Puckett grinned in the low light. She knew that her sister would always understand and love her unconditionally, even if the position Sam was in was an impossible one. Sam leaned close and kissed her sister on the forehead. "I love you, you know that, right?" she whispered.

Melanie could only smile. Of course she knew.


	3. iMall

"Why do I hate Q so much?" Sam asked. The girls were batting a balloon around Carly's living room with tennis racquets, and Sam was grateful for the distraction. Her mind was filled with the conversation she'd had with Melanie the night before. If the Princess was right… No, that was too much to hope for.

"Because it's so obviously just an O trying to be all fancy with its pointless little tail," Carly replied.

Sam realized again how close she and Carly were. If there was any perfect person for Sam, it was Carly. She decided to test out her sister's theory. "Hey Carls, did you ever notice how compatible…"

She was cut off by a knock at the door, and Spencer's scream of "Can one of you get that, I'm sculpturing." Sam had actually forgotten he was there, working on a sculpture just a few feet away. That could have been really awkward.

Carly opened the door to see her star pupil and his father standing there. Mr. Chambers, Chuck's father, did not look happy. Carly was scared for a moment that her "derf" scheme had been exposed, but she invited them in anyway. From the couch, she heard, "Yuck, stripes!" Carly giggled to herself. _Do I know my girlfr… best friend or what?_

Just like Carly had planned, Chuck had failed his math test, and his father was upset. Spencer "conveniently" had a brochure for Camp AddemUp, and Chuck's summer vacation was doomed. Spencer ran off to take a victory bath, leaving the girls alone in the living room.

Sitting back down on the couch, Carly asked, "Where were we?"

"Hitting a balloon, hating Q," Sam replied. She paused for a minute, gathering her nerve again. She took a deep breath, then began again, "You know, Carly, Melanie said something really weird…"

Sam was cut off by Freddie opening the door. "Hey, here's your…" the boy was saying as he barged in. "Oh, you're here!" he whined.

Sam was getting tired of being interrupted. "Yeah, like seeing your face freshens up my day," she spat at him.

The young Benson was still clueless, "You sure seemed to like my face last night when you had your lips all over it!"

_Fucking great timing you got, Benson_, Sam thought. _If Carly believes for one second that I kissed you, again, your mother's going to be picking you up with a SuckDuster._ "That wasn't me, diphthong!" she yelled.

Fortunately for Freddie, Carly knew better "You and Melanie kissed?" she asked, aghast.

"Man, how long are you two going to keep trying to trick me with the whole Melanie thing?" Freddie replied. "I told you I'm not that gullible. I know there's no Melanie!"

Carly started to reply, "Yes, there…" but Sam cut her off.

Sam really wanted to get back to her conversation with Carly, and she didn't care one rat's ass what Freddie thought. She just wanted him gone, so she cut Carly off. "Whoa. Let's just stop. It didn't work," she stated with mock sincerity.

"It didn't?" Carly asked, confused.

Sam turned to Freddie, "Okay, you won. We tried to trick you but we couldn't pull it off."

"Then admit that there's no Melanie. And I'm not gullible. And that I'm too smart for you," Freddie demanded.

Sam hated this, but she just wanted Freddie out of there. "There's no Melanie, you're not gullible, and you're too smart for me," she acquiesced.

"That's right. In your face, Puckett!" he spat back. "Bye, ladies," he smirked as he walked out.

Once the door closed, Carly turned to Sam, "He loves to be right."

"All boys do," Sam agreed. She had bigger fish to fry, though. This time she wasn't taking any chances, so she spat it out all at once, "Melanie said Freddie thinks you're in love with me! Are you?"

Carly was shocked, and she stood speechless for a minute. "What?" she finally croaked out.

The elevator chose that moment to ding. _Of course, what else can interrupt?_ Sam thought.

Melanie got off the elevator. The more perky Puckett twin came into the room with "Heeey! We going to the mall?"

Sam growled, literally. "Great timing, Princess," she snarled. Sam looked over at Carly, whose expression was unreadable. "Carly…" she began.

"Later, Sam. We'll definitely talk later," Carly whispered.

**A short time later, at the Crown Ridge Mall…**

Two blondes and brunette sat a table in the food court. Two of the girls munched on soft pretzels, while the third had a double order of fried chicken from Chicken Now. This was one of Sam Puckett's favorite meals, and normally she'd have finished it before the other two were halfway through their pretzels. Today, though, both Carly and Melanie were finished, and Sam was barely started on her third drumstick. She picked gingerly at it with a fork.

Carly noticed Sam's lack of appetite. She was worried about Sam, but she was afraid to ask what was going on in the blonde's head. She didn't think she'd like the answer. _Melanie says Freddie thinks you're in love with me._ The words kept replaying in her mind. Sam sounded annoyed or maybe even disgusted when she asked. And how did Freddie know? Carly had barely acknowledged it to herself. She decided not to admit to anything until Sam told her how she was feeling first.

Melanie could see the tension between the two friends. They had been acting strange since she got to the Shay apartment. Melanie didn't get into boarding school by accident. She was smart. It didn't take a straight-A student to figure out what Sam and Carly had been talking about when she came in, though. The question, of course, was what had been said?

She decided to take matters into her own hands. "Samantha," she asked, "will you come with me to the ladies' room? I noticed some unsavory characters hanging out near the bathrooms and I'd feel safer if you came with me."

Sam wasn't exactly a straight-A student, but she knew a set-up when she saw one. She played along, but she had a reputation to uphold. "And you call yourself a Puckett?" she snarked, but followed her sister anyway.

Once in the ladies' room, Sam moved the heavy garbage can directly in front of the door so that no one else could come in. The way her luck was going, Carly might just come to see what was going on at the most inopportune moment. She looked at her perkier mirror image. "Okay, Mel, level with me. Why'd you really call me in here?"

"You know why," her sister responded. "What's going on with you and Carly?"

"I don't know," Sam answered honestly. "I kept trying to bring it up, but people kept interrupting. First the kid Carly was tutoring, then Freddie. Finally I just blurted out what Freddie told you and asked her if it was true."

Melanie was taken aback. "Well, that was direct, if nothing else. What did she say?"

Sam sounded bitter as she replied, "She didn't get to answer me. _You _showed up. She said we'd talk later."

Melanie sighed. "I'm sorry, Sam, I had no way of knowing."

Sam wasn't mad at her sister, she was mad at the circumstances. "I know. I just wish you'd have been about five minutes later," she moaned.

Melanie had to know, "So judging by her reaction, do you think Freddie's right."

"I wish I knew, Mel. Goddamn, I wish I knew."


	4. iBuild a Bra

The three friends left the food court and wandered the mall. Melanie had to leave for school tomorrow morning, and she really wanted to spend some quality time with her sister as well as her oldest and dearest friend. The problem was that there was an 800 pound gorilla in the room that neither Sam nor Carly wanted to acknowledge, and the strain was palpable. What made Melanie feel worse was that she was the one who invited the gorilla into the room, by telling Sam what Freddie had said. She knew Sam loved Carly in a much more than friends sense, and she had a sneaking suspicion that Carly loved Sam just as much. The mere fact that Sam had blurted out what she did, and the three of them were still here at the mall together was a really good indication that she was right. Now she just had to figure out how to get the two of them to talk.

As the three of them walked out of Glitter Gloss, Melanie could see Sam staring at Carly's shiny red lips. Carly seemed to be egging her on, occasionally licking her lips in an almost seductive fashion. Mel didn't know if it was intentional or subconscious, but she knew one thing – she had to get Carly alone and talk to her. "Why don't we finish out the dynamic duo and hit Build-A-Bra next?" she suggested.

Carly and Sam mumbled agreement, and the three of them proceeded to their favorite store. They spent the next half-hour working on their respective undergarments and general conversation, but that metaphorical gorilla was still following them – conversation would stop occasionally in mid-sentence, and both Sam and Carly seemed uneasy. Again, though, Melanie noticed that the two of them were taking a particularly keen interest in each other's handiwork. When the finished, they needed to go into the dressing rooms to try their new bras on, but as luck would have it, there was only one room available. Melanie seized the opportunity. "Sam, you can go first. It'll give Carly and I a few minutes to catch up." She was trying to get Sam to read between the lines, but she wasn't sure if her sister got it.

"Okay," Sam shrugged and proceeded to the dressing room.

"So what did you want to talk about?" the brunette asked.

Melanie knew that she couldn't come right out and ask. That would just make things even more awkward than they were now. She decided to talk about her date with Freddie and kind of ease into it backwards. "Why does Freddie think I'm a figment of Sam's sadistic imagination?"

"Mel, honestly, Sam did everything she could to convince Freddie that you were real," Carly replied, a touch of a genuine laugh in her voice, something Melanie hadn't heard all day. Melanie smirked. She was pretty sure Sam hadn't done _everything_ to convince him, but she'd give Carly the benefit of the doubt. She let the brunette continue. "After the whole 'Clown Day' thing, though, he just refuses to believe. She tried to tell him a number of times, until…" Carly stopped, blushing.

"Until?" Melanie prodded.

"Until this morning, when Sam told him he was right and you were a trick," Carly admitted, sheepishly.

"Carly!" Melanie gasped, theatrically. "Why on earth would she do that?"

"I think she just wanted him to leave. She wanted to talk to me about… something else." Carly was now blushing furiously.

"You mean about what Freddie said to me?" she asked, gently.

Carly knew she was caught, and she tried to sidestep, "No, we were talking about… Spencer's hair. Don't you think he needs a haircut?"

Mel would have none of it. She chose her words carefully, "Carly Shay, after eight years of being together with my sister, you'd think some of her lying skills would have rubbed off on you. But they haven't. You're a terrible liar. That _is_ what you were talking about, wasn't it?"

_I need to stop trying to lie_, Carly thought. "Okay, you're right. Sam told me what you said that Freddie said."

Melanie was excited. Carly was opening up. She had to prod further, "Is he right?"

"Melanie!" Carly exclaimed. "Um, could we not talk about this in public?" she whispered.

"That's not a 'no,'" the blonde commented.

Carly was really embarrassed. "Mel, please," she begged.

"Would it help if I told you Sam couldn't sleep last night because you weren't there?" Melanie asked.

"What?" Carly exclaimed. "Melanie, are you telling me that Sam…"

"I would never divulge anything told to me in confidence," Melanie cut her off. "I was just observing that my sister was awfully restless last night."

At that moment, the twin in question reappeared. Carly began to blush as she subconsciously pictured Sam in the rather attractive blue bra she had just built. "Your turn, Cupcake," Sam grinned.

As Carly disappeared into the dressing room, Sam turned to her sister. "So, what did you talk about?"

"Samantha, are you really going to play dense with me?" the other twin replied. "You know darn well what we talked about."

Sam did. "And?" she asked. "What did she say?"

Melanie laughed, "Your timing is as bad as mine, little sister."

"Chizz!" Sam spat, angrily. "You mean you didn't get anything?"

"I wouldn't say that," Melanie countered. "I didn't get a 'no' and that's a plus. And," she paused, considering whether her sister would get angry at the next statement, "I kind of hinted that maybe you felt the same."

"Mel! How could you? That was between us," Sam sounded almost on the verge of tears.

"Relax Sam," her sister tried to calm her. "I would never tell her what you said. I simply observed that you were rather restless without her last night. I said the same thing to you."

Sam breathed a sigh of relief. She couldn't stay mad at her sister, especially since she knew Melanie's heart was in the right place. "Now what?" she asked.

"Well, it's almost 3:30. After we finish here, I say we go back to Carly's. I'll say my goodbyes to Spencer and Carly _and Freddie_, and you two will have a chance to talk," Melanie suggested.

Just then Carly reappeared. The red tank and white blouse she had been wearing looked a little different with her new bra under them. As much as Sam had derided her for the "helping" bra previously, she couldn't deny enjoying the affect it had on her friend's anatomy. "Looking good, Cupcake."

_That's twice in ten minutes she called me Cupcake_, Carly thought. _She hasn't called me that since Jonah_. Maybe Melanie was right. And what had Sam said to her in confidence? She realized that Sam's eyes were totally glued to her chest. _Oh my God, she's checking me out! _"I think I'll just wear this home," she commented. "Go ahead, Mel."

After a short bus ride, the three of them arrived at Bushwell Plaza. Ignoring Lewbert's whining as they walked through his lobby, they made their way to the back elevator. As they rode up to the eighth floor, Carly couldn't stand it any longer. Melanie clearly knew, probably more than they did, so what was the harm in talking in front of her? "Sam," she began, "about what you said before…"

"Yeah, Cupcake?" the blonde asked, turning her hopeful blue eyes to Carly.

Whether it was "Cupcake" or the look in her eyes, something pushed Carly over the edge. She practically jumped into Sam's arms, smashing her lips against the blonde's. Sam was taken by surprise, but she instinctively caught Carly and held her. Her own lips responded to the kiss. It went on for several floors.

"Ahem," Melanie tried to get their attention, to no avail. "Ladies, I'm here too, remember."

Carly detached herself from Sam. "Um, yeah," she blushed.


	5. iAm Real

"It's okay, Carly, I understand," Melanie smiled. "That's kind of the ending I was hoping for anyway. But, um, get a room, okay."

"You're spoiling the moment, here, sis!" her twin grumbled. She turned to her best friend, "So, I guess that means Fredweird was right? You do love me?"

"I most certainly do," Carly replied. "And I take it you love me too?"

"Always have, Cupcake," Sam responded, brightly.

"I love when you call me that," Carly sighed as the elevator doors opened.

"Call you what?" Spencer asked. He had been walking into the living room from the kitchen and caught Carly's last sentence.

"Nothing important," Carly stammered, blushing. "Hey, can Sam and Melanie stay for dinner? We have some things to talk about."

"Sure, Kiddo. When doesn't Sam stay for dinner?" her brother replied.

Melanie spoke up, "I wish I could, but I have to pack up for school. I'm leaving in the morning. I just stopped up to say goodbye." She turned to Sam, "Don't worry, I'll cover you with Mom."

Sam gave her sister the only compliment she knew how to give, a backhanded one, "You ain't so bad, Princess."

Melanie smirked back at her, "Well, while you're still part of my fan club, why don't you come across the hall with me and show Freddie that I really do exist."

"Why?" Sam asked, quite honestly.

"Because, I kind of like him, and I'd maybe like to pick up where we left off next time I'm back in town," Melanie explained. "And it's kind of hard to do that when he thinks I'm a practical joke."

"Alright, I'll come over to Nubland with you and show the dork that you're real," Sam agreed.

Melanie smiled. She turned to Spencer. "Bye, Spencer. I'll miss you. You're the best big brother I never had."

"Have fun, Kiddo," the artist replied, kissing her on the cheek. "Do good in school."

Melanie turned her attention to Carly. "Carly. I'm glad everything worked out. Send me some emails and let me know how it's going."

"I will, Mel," Carly promised.

"Till then, I guess I'll see you on _iCarly_," Melanie laughed. She hugged the brunette. "Take good care of my sister," she asked.

"You know I will," Carly giggled.

Melanie got serious. "I love you both. You know that, right?"

"I love you too," Carly replied. "Heck, if I play my cards right, I might be your sister-in-law someday."

Spencer was starting to question his sanity. His sister and the Puckett twins were up to something, but he couldn't quite figure out what it was. The bits and pieces he was picking up weren't making sense. _The only way Melanie could be Carly's sister-in-law is if she married… ME! Melanie must have a crush on me._

Melanie turned to her sister, intending to give her the heartfelt goodbye she deserved, but that wasn't Sam's way. She cut her older sister off, "Come on Princess, we got a nerd to introduce you to."

"Samantha, please," Melanie chided, "be nice."

The two blondes left the Shay loft and went across the hall. Sam walked around the corner, leaving Melanie standing in front of apartment 8-D. She knocked on the door, and in a few moments, Freddie Benson answered.

Freddie was confused. The only time Sam had actually knocked on his door was when Missy Robinson was back in town. He couldn't think of any reason she'd be doing so now. Then he noticed her clothes and the ponytail. _Oh Geez, she's back on that Melanie chizz again_. "It's not going to work, Sam. You already admitted there's no Melanie."

"Freddie," Melanie started, "I know what Sam said, but honestly, I'm really Melanie."

"Oh, come off it!" Freddie exclaimed, pushing Melanie in the shoulder again, like he had last night.

From around the corner came a voice he wasn't expecting. Sam Puckett stepped out. "Rule number one, Benson. You ever touch my sister like that again, I break both your arms."

"Oh my God, you really are twins!" Freddie stammered.

"Yeah, Fredbag. Just like I told you in the first place," Sam admonished. Sam put her arm around her sister, "Freddie, this is my twin sister, Melanie. I think you two have met." Sam turned and kissed her sister on the cheek. "Have fun with the Nub. Now if you'll excuse me, I have my own girlfriend to get back to."

"Sam, wait!" Melanie grabbed her arm. "You going to be home tonight?"

Sam glanced at the door to 8-C wistfully, "I don't know, maybe. If I don't see you before you leave, Mel, I… I promise to call you more often." She opened the door to the Shay loft.

Melanie knew that was as good as she was going to get in front of Freddie, but she had to push it just a little further. "I love you too, little sister," she said.

"Pucketts don't get mushy, Princess. Later, Nub," she said as she entered the apartment and closed the door behind her.

Freddie spoke up, "Let her go, she's got her own… Wait, what?"

"I'll let her and Carly explain _that_ one to you," Melanie giggled.

"I was right!" Freddie exclaimed in triumph, then the full implications of that statement hit him. "Oh my God! I was right!" He now knew he'd never be anything more than friends with either Carly or Sam.

"Don't worry, Freddie, _I'll _be home for two weeks at Easter. Maybe we can try that date again?" Melanie flirted, that odd smirk on her face again.

_Melanie really does have potential_, Freddie thought. "I'd like that."

"Until then, something to remember me by," she said, putting her arms around the boy. She kissed him again, and this time he kissed back willingly. As she pulled back, she had something in her hand.

"My Pearphone!" he exclaimed. "Sam teach you that?"

"My mom," she corrected. Freddie just rolled his eyes. If anyone knew about crazy mothers, it was him.

Melanie was busy doing something on his phone. "What are you doing?" he questioned.

"I added myself to your contacts. Now you have no excuse not to call me or text me," she explained, a trace of demanding in her voice.

_Now I see why Sam calls her 'Princess'_, Freddie thought. "You don't have to worry about that, Melanie."

"Freddie! That's the first time you said my name without the sarcasm," she said, handing his cell phone back to him.

Freddie blushed. "Yeah, sorry about not believing you were real."

"It's okay," she conceded. "I know how Sam can be. The important thing is you believe I'm real now." She kissed him again, on the cheek this time. "I have to go. I just stopped over to say goodbye."

"I wish you could stay," he lamented.

"So do I," she agreed, "but Easter's only two months away, and you can call me."

"I will, I promise," he said, sadly. "Bye, Melanie."

She kissed him on the lips once more. Then she was gone, disappearing around the corner toward the elevator. He felt someone walk up behind him. "Who was that?" his mother asked.

"Mom, you're _never_ going to believe this."


	6. iTell Spencer

Meanwhile, inside the Shay loft, Spencer was busy preparing Carly's pork roast for dinner. He was still trying to figure out in his head what was going on with the girls. It had sounded like Melanie had a crush on him, but if Melanie was with Freddie… _Sam wants to marry me!_ Spencer knew it was hard to resist his manly charms, but either of the Puckett twins was way too young for him, and besides, he'd been like a father figure to them for years. That would just be icky. He'd have to figure out how to let Sam down easy.

Sam came into the apartment, with a look on her face that was uncharacteristically girly, so much so that for a moment, Carly wasn't sure which Puckett she was dealing with. "Ewww! Ewww! Ewww! Nerd Love…." Sam moaned.

Carly laughed at her girlfriend, "Sam! Leave them alone... don't they deserve it? He won't see her for... what? Another 2 months?"

"So," Sam countered, "that's no excuse for them to get all kissy-face."

"You mean like us?" Carly silently mouthed to her. She turned her attention to Spencer in the kitchen. "How long until dinner?"

"Bout an hour," her brother answered.

"We'll be up in the studio brainstorming," she yelled as they ran up the steps.

When the girls reached the studio, Carly was almost bouncing with anticipation. "So, Freddie and Melanie hit it off?"

"Yeah, once he figured out she's not me," Sam answered.

"And they kissed?" Carly prodded.

Sam shuddered, "Yeah, that too." She reached over and pulled Carly into a hug, "Who cares about the Princess and the nub? I'm more interested in if you and I are dating."

"I thought that was a foregone conclusion considering the elevator," the brunette responded.

"Just making sure, Cupcake."

"What are you worried about? You think I'm going to dump you for Gibby or something?" Carly joked.

Sam shuddered again, "Now there's an image that'll give me nightmares for years."

Carly flicked Sam in the ear, "Sam..."

Sam dropped into the red beanbag on the floor. She pulled Carly down to her. "C'mere, Cupcake!"

About an hour later, the girls came down the stairs at Spencer's call. Three plates were set at the kitchen table, and the girls sat down with Spencer. After a few minutes of silent eating, Carly spoke up nervously, "Spencer, can we talk?"

"I know what you're going to say," Spencer replied.

Carly was pretty sure he didn't, "You do?"

"Yes, and it's understandable, given my considerable charm and good looks," Spencer explained with too much bravado in his voice. He turned to the blonde, "Sam, I know you spend a lot of time here, and I know it's common for teenage girls to develop feelings for their friends' cooler older brothers…" Spencer began

Sam tried, but she just couldn't keep from busting out laughing. "You think... You?"

"Spencer, whatever gave you that idea?" Carly asked.

"You told Melanie you were going to be her sister-in-law someday," Spencer answered. His voice had raised a bit, and now he sounded much like the man-child he really was. "But if Melanie likes Freddie that only leaves…" He gestured at Sam.

"Did you ever think maybe there was another explanation?" Carly asked. "Like maybe _I'm_ sort of dating someone?"

"Sort of?" Sam interjected.

"Well, we haven't actually _gone on a date_ yet, but it is someone I'm very interested in," she replied pointedly.

Spencer was still confused. Carly was dating someone, and that someone would eventually make Carly Melanie's sister-in-law. _Melanie likes Freddie, but Freddie is an only child, thank God. Mrs. Benson doesn't need to reproduce any more._ So how could Carly be Melanie's sister-in-law unless… "You got a brother I don't know about?" he asked Sam.

"With my mother, anything's possible," Sam speculated, "but as far as I know, it's just me and Mel."

Spencer whined, "I am so confused!"

Carly spoke to him as she would a five year old, "Okay, Spencer, if I want Melanie to be my sister-in-law…"

"Yes?" he urged.

"And you're not involved," she continued.

"Yes?"

"And she only has one sibling…"

"Yes?"

"Then I must be dating…"

"Wait, You... and Sam?" he asked.

"Now you're catching on," Sam answered.

"This is another Clown Day, right? You're pulling my leg? I'm not as gullible as Freddie, you know," Spencer rebutted.

Carly swallowed hard, and answered him with as much sincerity as she could muster. She wanted to convey that she was telling the truth as she spoke, "No, Spencer, this isn't a joke. I love Sam and she loves me."

"Someone want to explain to me how this happened?" Spencer exclaimed.

Sam spoke as if she were talking to a little kid, "Well, when two people love each other…"

Carly cut her off, "Sam!" She turned to Spencer, "Seriously, it just sort of happened. We've been friends forever, and I guess the feelings have been there for a while. We just didn't realize it until now."

Spencer responded, his voice softer, "But, I mean, what happened? When you were here this morning, you were sitting on the couch batting a balloon around, now you're girlfriend and girlfriend. What the hell happened at the mall?"

"Blame Freddork," Sam barked. "He figured it out before we did."

Spencer jumped to his feet and ran towards the door screaming "Freddie!" He ran across the hall, banging on the door to 8-D. When the younger Benson answered, Spencer grabbed him by the arm. "I need you to come here, now!"

"Okay," Freddie said, confused. Once inside the Shay apartment, he asked, "What's up?"

"Why are Carly and Sam lesbians?" Spencer demanded.

"I don't know," Freddie shrugged, "maybe they were born that way?"

"Sam said you figured it out first. What's she talking about?" the artist yelled.

Freddie had to think for a minute, then he explained, "Oh, the other day I came over while Carly was tutoring that kid. He said something about dating Carly when he got older, and I told him to forget it, I'd been barking up that tree forever. That's when it just clicked with me that the only 'guy' she was ever interested in for any length of time was Sam."

"Watch it Fredbag!" Sam shouted.

"When Melanie kissed me at the club, I thought she was Sam. I told her I couldn't do that to Carly, and I think I let it slip that Carly was in love with Sam," he continued.

Sam picked up the story, "Then Melanie came home and told me, and I told her that I was in love with Carly too." Her brunette partner smiled at this, as Sam continued. "So Melanie kind of helped get us to talk, and, well, maybe there was some kissing involved."

"Ok... I kinda get it, besides, you never seemed to find the right guy anyhow. She's definitely better than that Griffin guy. That boy just had issues," the elder Shay replied.

This was the first time Carly had heard Sam's side of the story, too. "So, when did you figure out you were in love with me?" she asked her new girlfriend.

Sam turned white. "Um, a couple months ago," she answered, hoping Carly would drop it.

Freddie realized right away what she was talking about, and it came out before he realized the ramifications, "When you kissed me…"

"When she _what_?" Carly screamed.

Sam was angry, "I'm going to kill you, Benson! You swore we'd never speak of that again!"

Carly was hurt, "You kissed Freddie?"

Sam tried to explain, "After I told the internet that Freddie never kissed anyone, I went over to talk to him on his fire escape. He hadn't kissed anyone and I hadn't kissed anyone, so we just did it to do it."

"Yeah, Carly," Freddie tried to help, "we just did it to get our first kisses over with. It didn't mean anything. From the look on Sam's face, she didn't even like it."

"He's right, Cupcake," Sam argued. "I kissed the dork, but I realized at that moment that I only wanted to be kissing you."

Carly was still pouting, "Are you sure?"

Sam put her hand under Carly's chin and raised it up to look her in the eye. "Carly," she explained, as sincerely as Samantha Puckett had ever been in her life, "I wasn't your first kiss, and you weren't my first kiss, but that's okay. I promise you one thing, though, you will be my last."

Still pouting, but a glimmer of a smile, "Promise?"

"Without a doubt, Cupcake," Sam replied. "From now on, it's you and only you."

The smile finally broke through, "Oh, Sam. It's you and only you, too."

The two girls looked into each other's' eyes. It was a look at was innocent and loving all at once, the look you get when you're crazy in love with the person you're staring at. The magnetism of the moment drew them together, despite the fact that Freddie and Spencer were right there, and they kissed the same way that they stared – gently and softly, with an incredible amount of love.

"Awww. How sweet," Spencer commented. "Just one thing still confuses me, though."

"What's that?" Freddie asked.

"You got the girl. Sam got the girl. Even my little _sister_ has better luck with women than I do!"

**The End**


End file.
